RACHEL GREEN AND LITTLE WHITE LIES
Kelly and I planned Adventure #14 and we quickly decided on sailing. My husband had taken lessons before so I knew (or so I assumed) it would be challenging. I gave the girls one clue and that was Rachel Green. Well, I did also tell them to get brazilion waxes. But that was just to confuse and terrorize. I only get the opportunity once a year to put them through the torture I put myself through before each and every adventure. I ran with it! I sent them a youtube video of Rachel Green singing in her apartment nakie. Remember that episode? While I wasn’t thinking up new ways to scare my sweet girls I was busy scheming with Patty’s husband Jamie. He was throwing her a surprise 40th birthday party the day of our adventure. It was crucial we planned everything down to the minute. The plan was to meet at Pattys on Adventure Day so it was not odd that we would need to get back to her house after the adventure. We were to leave no later than 9:40 AM so our paths didn’t cross with The Margarita Man. To tell the girls what we were doing, Kelly and I showed the video clip of the Friends episode where Joey and Rachel go sailing. See, I wasn’t COMPLETELY lying. Rachel Green was a valid clue.
SUZY’S HAIR ALMOST TOOK THE OPERATION DOWN!
After we showed the girls the video clip we knew we had to get on the road. Patty’s husband, Jamie, had a party to set up. As we were walking out the door Suzy casually asked Patty for a hair tie. Patty went upstairs to find one for her and was taking FOREVA! Beads of sweat started to form on Jamie’s head. I yelled up to Patty that we were just going to wait outside for her. Patty finally arrived with hair tie in hand and we hit the road….JUST IN TIME. Jamie said a few minutes after we left the Margarita Man arrived. Phew.
Side note: Suzy NEVER used the hair tie. Proof below.
EVERYTHING LITTLE THING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT
We arrived to Belle Haven Marina and we were all surprised by what we found. Reggae music and bare feet. This was my first clue that this adventure was not going to be as challenging as I thought. My second clue? Our “sailing class” lasted all of 5 minutes and 3 minutes of that were spent explaining our adventure group to the instructors. I am not sure, but I think they may have taken one look at my baby blue Keds and realized that we (I) were (was) in over our (my) head.
We had to seperate into two boats. I tried to put my best rushers in the boat with Kelly. She was the only DZ able to make this adventure so I thought if this was our only opportunity to sway her over to the KD side I was going to pull out the big guns! I am not going to say what happened, but she was asking a lot of questions about frogs, daggers and white roses later that day. We sure did miss Stacy and Heather!
OLD LADIES SHOULD NOT SAIL BOATS
Well, I was right. This turned out to be the most relaxing adventure we have ever been on. Although, our instructors did allow each of us us to steer the boat. Sometimes it went well: Tracy. Sometimes it didn’t: Tina, Patty, Kat. Here is a quick video to illustrate what happens when an instructor gives a “screamer” the till? jib? jab? Whatever it was named it sometimes made the boat rock? tilt? capsize? You be the judge.
Other things heard on the boats:
Instructor: oohh…we just hit the bottom.
Patty: The bottom of WHAT?
Instructor: The bottom of the river….ok grab the jib-jab and pull.
Kat: ***crickets.***hands over ears. If I can’t hear anything it is not happening.
Turns out this happens quite often, is not a big deal and we looked like complete newbies. Nothing will ever change.
One more convo worth repeating, although I am trying desperately to put it out of mind.
Kat: We are having our 20th High School reunion next month.
Instructor: So that would be class of 92? Man, I thought you all were a lot older than that?
Kat: What the HAIL?
Tracy: That is something you should have probably kept to yourself.
Instructor: (attempts to recover, but digs himself deeper) I think I will just drink my water.
Are we dilusional? I really thought we were more kitten-like and less cougar-like. I would to believe it was the salty air playing tricks on his eyes. The Potomac is a salty river, right?
I think these girls don’t look a day over 21. If you agree, let us know! If you don’t…well, why don’t you just keep that to yourself. 🙂
Side note numero 1000: Maryhelen was so happy she was not in our boat and the comment was ONLY directed to those of us that were :)…She would have jumped overboard.
I had this idea to recreate the Whitesnake video. The direction I gave the girls was to lay on the front of the boat and I would throw water on them while singing, “Here I go again on my own…going down the only road I’ve ever known..” Here is what actually happened. It was a little more Laura Ingells Wilder than Tawny Kitean, but I still think they are hot, hot, hot for 50 year old hags!
PINK KILLA TURNS 39 11/12!
After the wonderfully, relaxing adventure we dropped off Patty at her son’s last t-ball game, hit chipolte and drove back to Patty’s house for the big 40th Perfectly Pink Surprise Party! Patty was surprised, the Margaritas were yummy and of course more laughter ensued. Have you ever wondered who Jason Houtz (Suzy’s hubby) would want at a dinner table of six? Well, I won’t reveal the entire list, but Abe Lincoln and the bearded guy from Jackarse are on it. I want to be at that party! Who is on your list?
Here is the video the Adventure Girls made for our sweet Pink Killa for her party. She really is such a wonderful friend….and no matter what “bearded man-child instructor” says…you do not look A LOT older than 40. (I am not sure why this internet version has some of it upside down. The copy shown at the party did not.)
NEXT UP: Tracy, Suzy and Lisa. They swear it is something NONE of us have ever done or would EVER guess. I am officially going to be peeing my pants for the next two months.
A couple more videos of sailing just for fun.